Posted on :
11:16 AM
| By :
Kris Roxas
Don't you hate the feeling of not knocking somebody out? How about punching small animals, and having them get back up? Or even trying to break through a brick wall and only chipping it. That sucks doesn't it?
Well - that will happen no longer. When you punch like a man you'll be able to lift mountains. Anything is possible when you punch harder than a tiger on steroids.
Here is how you can punch harder:
- Stop being such a chick, and go crazy. You're in a fight, you aren't trying to braid a kitten in a quiet green forest. You're a man so go act like one.
- Don't stress yourself. Go get a massage from a Chinese woman, then go drink a beer with your pals and watch football for 3 hours. Your bulging muscles will reveal themselves when they're ready, and will get prime during your warm-up.
- Warm-up just before you fight. Your muscles are like an orgasm. Or even like a muscle car. Perhaps even a fine wine of the highest vintage - they need time to reach their peak. arm-up an hour, or a half hour before the fight if you can. If you can't then just be like the muscle car and go from 0 to a 100 in 10 seconds. It's okay - you're a man. And as such, you're allowed to kick some serious ass.
- Go train harder than a fat chick. Not all fat chicks - I mean the ones who will be hot in 3 months. Go 100% when you train (not when you warm-up). Don't give up, and even collapse because you're just that burly.
- Go get the official gloves of the UFC. They're proven to make your opponents explode into a fine pink mist the very second your gloves touch him.
You can find them here, and they're real. No fake, no fake.
To Being A Man,
Kris Roxas
I was at a party last night, and there was some fighting going on. Nothing too brutal, but it was fun. On that note, I wanted to write a post relating to that.
Note: I was about to post up some videos, but then I realized that was a really stupid idea. It would be watching a bunch of drunks beating the crap out of each other... I don't agree with the message I'd be sending with that.
It would be like saying, "Get drunk and fight each other!" I really would like to avoid fights if that's the situation.
Therefore I am now going to teach you simple moves for fighting drunk people.
First of all, if you're drunk, then don't get into fights. Be friendly and don't be a dick. Friendly drunks are the best! I actually met one at the party and he did NOT feel a thing when we (yes - we) hit him.
There was me, and like 4 other people and trust me this guy did not feel pain at all. It was insaaannne.
If you are up against somebody who's drunk or high then they're going to feel less pain... We're not trying to hurt them, just trying to stop them. That's your goal, really, that should always be your goal.
You aren't trying to beat the crap out of people, you're trying to stop the fight. I don't like senseless fighting, and stupid shit like that. I fight when I need to, and that's to protect my friends and family...
My friend and I, a couple years back, got into a street fight all of a sudden. We were just chatting, then what do you know, we end up arguing and fighting... I take on the big guy, who I was surprised was a lot weaker than me actually.
And this year, somebody tried talking smack about my sister and tried starting something up with me. I didn't beat him up... I shoved him into the wall a few times, and gave him a talk.
Now, recently, at this party, I didn't get into a fight because I didn't do anything stupid. And that's how it should be. It was an open-mic rap battle, and it was pretty sweet, but they need to be more original...
The main rapper kept starting off with, "Look" and "Talkin' 'bout" which I thought was really cliche and unoriginal. Other than that, he was really great.
Anyyyways - the top ways to take on a drunk person:
- Knock them off balance - drunks obviously aren't the most stable people
- Grab them, and hold them by the legs - my favourite - you sort of want to tackle them onto the groun, and grab their legs and hold them up. This is a trick I learned from a bouncer, and it's just to hold them.
- Hold them - not recommended - a lot of things can happen if you put them in holds. They could bite you, the cops could get involved, their friends could get involved, there's just a lot of factors... Although if it's just one guy and he's trying to do something, just stop him and make him co-operate.
I don't recommended hitting them, because obviously they won't feel pain. They'll just keep going..
Keep it safe, and take care
Peace!
Kris Roxas
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